在每年名校本科申請的過程中，Common Application的Personal Essay可能是最重要的一篇文書。因為這篇文書會被發(fā)到你通過Common Application系統(tǒng)申請的所有學(xué)校(90%左右的名校都接受學(xué)生通過這個系統(tǒng)遞交申請)，并且這篇文書自由度較高，所以有非常大的發(fā)揮空間。

所以在討論文書的時候，很多同學(xué)和家長就會提問，什么樣的Common Application Personal Essay算是優(yōu)秀呢？這個問題比較難解答，因為文書本身就是一個很主觀的問題。我們也收到過一些請求，希望能夠分享我們之前成功被名校錄取的同學(xué)的文書，但是由于我們隱私第一的原則，沒有辦法分享給大家。于是我們就找到了這篇最近被紐約時報刊載的上一個申請季的申請文書分享給大家，并且加上我們的評論，希望能夠讓大家了解優(yōu)秀的Personal Essay究竟是什么樣。這位同學(xué)也是找的我們Meeloun教育幫忙修改潤色的哦！結(jié)果也讓人滿意。

在開始之前提醒大家：學(xué)習(xí)借鑒文書的大忌是直接模仿

因為每個人都有自己的故事，有自己的申請主題，所以就算不考慮版權(quán)問題你可以使用這篇文書也會是牛頭不對馬嘴。我們學(xué)習(xí)的應(yīng)該是別人的思維方式，并且努力通過這個方式挖掘自己的故事。

這篇Personal Essay的作者是：Alison Hess-她來自Illinois州的Bushnell

今年秋季她將入學(xué)Universityof Chicago-芝加哥大學(xué)

I always assumed my father wished I had been born a boy.

Now,please don’t assume that my father is some rampant rural sexist.The fact is,when you live in an area and have a career where success is largely determined by your ability to provide and maintain nearly insurmountable feats of physical labor,you typically prefer a person with a bigger frame.

When I was younger,I liked green tractors better than red tractors because that was what my father drove,and I preferred black and white cows over brown ones because those were the kind he raised.I wore coveralls inthe winter and wore holes in my mud boots in weeks.With my still fragile masculinity,I crossed my arms over my chest when I talked to new people,and I filled my toy box exclusively with miniature farm implements.In third grade,Icut my hair very short,and my father smiled and rubbed my head.

I never strove to roll smoother pie crusts or iron exquisitely stiff collars.Instead,I idolized my father’s patient hands.On a cow’s neck,trying to find the right vein to stick a needle in.In the strength of the grip it took to hold down an injured heifer.In the finesse with which they habitually spun the steering wheel as he backed up to the livestock trailer.

And I grew to do those things myself.When on my 10th birthday I received my first show cow,a rite of passage in the Hess family,I named her Missy.As I spoke to her in an unnaturally low voice,I failed to realize one thing:Missy did not care that I was a girl.She did not think I was acting especially boyish or notice when I adamantly refused to wear pink clothing(she was color blind anyway).And she did not blink an eyelash at her new caretaker’s slightly smaller frame.All she cared about was her balanced daily feed of cotton seed and ground corn and that she got an extra pat on the head.As I sat next to her polishing her white leather show halter,she appreciated my meticulous diligence and not my sex.

When Missy and I won Best of Show a few months later,my father’s heart nearly exploded.I learned to stick my chest out whenever I felt proud.While I then associated my conquests with“being a better boy,”I now realize what I was really working toward was becoming a better farmer.I learned I could do everything my father could do,and in some tasks,such as the taxing chore of feeding newborn calves or the herculean task of halter-breakinga heifer,I surpassed him.It has taken me four years to realize this:I proved a better farmer than he in those moments,not despite my sex,but despite myinvalid and ignorant assumption that the best farmer was the one with the mosttestosterone.

My freshman year,I left the farm for boarding school,where I was surrounded by the better-off and the better-educated—the vast majorityof whom had heard the word‘feminism’before.I began to pick up just what the word meant from my antagonizing English teacher and my incisive friends’furrowed brows when I described my hometown.Four years of education and weekly argumentative essays taught me the academic jargon.I learned the Latin roots of the word“feminism,”its cognates and its historical consequences.

But the more I read about it in books,and the more I usedit in my essays,the more I realized I already knew what it meant.I had already embodied the reality of feminism on the farm.I had lived it.My cowhad taught it to me.

1.首先這篇文書非常引人入勝，這可能是PersonalEssay最重要的一個素質(zhì)。不論你寫的是什么樣的內(nèi)容，你一定要保證你的讀者愿意讀完你的故事。從選材，結(jié)構(gòu)，到具體文字的實施，再到一些小細(xì)節(jié)都體現(xiàn)了申請人非常強(qiáng)的文字功底。

2.這篇文書雖然沒有嘗試任何煽情的手法，但是讀完卻給人感覺感情豐富，很容易被作者的經(jīng)歷和思考所打動。很多申請人想要在申請文書中打動到錄取委員會，因此一直在一些看似嚴(yán)肅的話題(生死/困境/離別)上做文章，殊不知這樣的矯揉造作完全進(jìn)步了錄取委員會的法眼，甚至?xí)屨麄€申請落入俗套。

3.這篇文書作者談到了一個非常流行，或者對于申請文書來說過于流行的話題，女權(quán)主義。但是因為作者非常特別的經(jīng)歷和自身感受，讓這個有點運用過度的話題煥發(fā)了光彩。所以，Personal Essay的主旨和話題并不是Brainstorm時候的先決條件，考慮好自己的故事和背景才是正確方法。另外，這因為作者有這樣的經(jīng)歷才有可能寫出這樣的文章，盲目的模仿肯定是不可行的。

4.整篇文章的跨度非常大，從作者出生到現(xiàn)在的時點。這種跨度的文章想在650字內(nèi)達(dá)到滿意的效果是非常困難的，需要非常好的語言文字執(zhí)行力，否則非常容易讓人覺得言之無物。所以，使用這種方法一定要慎之又慎。另外，即使是在跨度如此之大的文章當(dāng)中，最吸引人的部分還是一個細(xì)節(jié)，就是作者和十歲的時候和自己的牛Missy的互動，而文章最后點到Missy更加是畫龍點睛。因此，細(xì)節(jié)對于Personal Essay的重要性還是得到了非常充分的證明。

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